Home > me > Why am I hurting?

Why am I hurting?

For some unexplainable reason I am so hurting deep inside that I need to blog it out.
My chest aches as if something is about to come out of it but it can’t.
My stomach has been churning for about five hours now and still going.
My head aches as if it has been used for a five-hour exam when I didn’t.

I can feel he’s so bothered.
I saw him crying in the kitchen while the water is running.
Weird.
I hope it’s just my imagination.

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  1. moony205
    July 1, 2010 at 1:50 AM

    I keep imagining news reports about his tragic death. I am worried. It is very wierd…I don’t know this man that died, but you can feel the pain of those who loved him. I hope he/they pull through this. It’s been bothering me all day. I had my tissues out and I feel like I’m waiting on pins and needles for something to happen.

    I’m not religious but I feel the need to go to church or something and pray. It’s been a hard year for many poeple.

    Anyway, it’s nice to hear from your blog again. I hope you found some people to help out with the soulmate site. I would but I know nothing about running or updating websites at all. I’m actually kind of computer illiterate.

    • lynaeina
      July 1, 2010 at 6:09 PM

      So true. I felt like a lot of people like him so much but he didn’t value the gift of life and promise of what it is to be living. Problems come and go and it’s normal how big it is.

      I don’t know much as to why East Asians have a high affinity to being suicidal. And I am afraid it could happen one of our boys. *knocks on wood* I don’t know what else to do to stop this because it’s cultural. The people who are working with this actor are more worried that they couldn’t go on shooting without him. It must have been normal to them having a celeb suicides. Isn’t that too insensitive?

      Yes, we did have new co-authors already but they’re still on trial period. Most of us are busy. The founder is always on the run, the other admin is working while I’m on med school. We’re like professionals (aspiring) keeping up with the fast turn of the DongBang world so we’re always left out.
      Thanks for the thought of helping. 😀 If you want to apply, just tell me so I can send you links to different Soulmate & DBSK sites.

      • Dya
        July 1, 2010 at 9:20 PM

        When talking the potential of it happening to one of our boys *knocks on wood hard* I’m a lot more worry about Yunho. He was raise that man shouldn’t cry and man shouldn’t show have any weakness.

        He carry so much on his shoulder, and everyone just pulling him from every directions. That’s why he needs Jae who always nag and force him to be himself and it is okay lose up once in a while.

        • moony205
          July 2, 2010 at 7:45 PM

          I’m sure they all have pressure on them. I don’t think yunho will harm himself. He might overwork himself, but commit suicide; I don’t think his pride would let him. It’s also been pointed out several times that yunho is much more “care free” when off camera. I think alot of yunho’s responsible man shitck is just part of being in tohoshinki and being the “leader”. So, honestly, although he has alot of pressure my concern is not for him. Forgive me, but that’s how I feel.

          I pointed out jae because he has never been a stable person to me; he has the lawsuit, and his close friend just died, who he just talked to. People handle hard times differently. Jae seems like someone who might self harm, to escape pain. He’s a little too found of tattoos and piercings and drinking binges and admits to the pain being a route of escapeism for him. Not good combinations in this case. I think he will be fine, but I worry for someone with his personality type in this situation, as I would for someone like yoochun.

          I wasn’t thinking of yunho in this instance because I feel he is further removed from the feelings of guilt a really close friend would have.

          • lynaeina
            July 5, 2010 at 10:26 PM

            I don’t feel like Yunho would commit suicide for reasons that he’s attached to his spiritual side.
            I’m more concerned about Jae. His kind of personality is common to those who do suicide but heaven forbid!

  2. Dya
    July 1, 2010 at 1:34 PM

    I’ve been so worry about him also. My heart hurts and calls out to him.
    Right now I’m so uneasy, I need any pic or anything to assure me that he’s
    fine.

    There’s nothing we can do now but I’m putting my hope in YooSu to help him
    get through this. Heard HyungJoong is in LA with them, so that’s quite a
    relief.

    • lynaeina
      July 1, 2010 at 6:18 PM

      I want that kind of assurance too. But with due respect to his loss, I think he really needs to have some space. I am confident too that YooSu will so be there for him and I have a feeling that Yunho is talking to him too. HyunJoong is also there? I’m already relieved. At least our baby gets support nearby.

      I’m still having that vision of him crying on the kitchen sink though. TT__TT
      And it was hurting. It was not like that Sunao ne cry but more quiet but his breathing was long and deep. Maybe I should watch Eclipse to shake this off.

      • Dya
        July 1, 2010 at 9:27 PM

        I’m quite glad that people haven’t found out where JaeChunSu are staying in LA. Those who do, have been so quite and so secretive about it.

        A time like this, the last thing he needs is fangirls screaming their head off, or stalking him every moves.

        I seriously hope Yunho finds a way to reach out to him.

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